On food, guilt, body image, and why you don't need to earn your holiday dinner.
Let's get one thing straight before the holidays get here: You do not need to earn your Thanksgiving dinner.
You don't need to squeeze in an extra workout because you had dessert. You don't need to skip breakfast the next morning, swear off carbs until January, or spend the next three days trying to undo a perfectly lovely afternoon with your family.
You ate the pie. It was good. Life goes on.
And yet, for so many women, enjoying food comes with a little mental accounting. The extra helping of mashed potatoes. The second cookie. The holiday cocktail. Suddenly, something that was supposed to be enjoyable becomes a source of guilt, followed by a familiar promise to "get back on track" tomorrow.
Somewhere along the way, we've been taught that being healthy means being disciplined enough to resist temptation, small enough to fit a certain ideal, and strong enough to never let ourselves indulge too much.
But what if that isn't health at all?
The problem isn't the pie. It's the guilt.
Food has somehow become a moral issue. We describe meals as good or bad, label ourselves good for eating a salad and bad for eating a brownie, and talk about needing to "be good" before a vacation or holiday.
Think about how often we hear things like:
"I've been so bad this weekend."
"I really need to work this off."
"I'm going to be good this week."
"I can't believe I ate all that."
Notice how quickly a food choice turns into a judgment about ourselves?
Psychologically, this matters. When we attach shame and guilt to eating, food becomes more than nourishment or enjoyment. It becomes a measure of our self-control, discipline, and even our worth.
Research on intuitive eating, an approach that encourages people to recognize internal hunger and fullness cues while making room for satisfaction and enjoyment, has found consistent associations with more positive body image, greater self-esteem, and fewer disordered eating behaviors.
A 2021 meta-analysis examining 97 studies found that intuitive eating was associated with lower levels of eating-related distress and body image concerns, as well as higher psychological well-being.
In other words, developing a healthier relationship with food isn't about becoming better at following rules. It may actually mean learning to let go of some of them.
The restrict, indulge, regret cycle
Here's where things get a little more interesting.
Have you ever spent the week eating as little as possible because you knew you had a big dinner coming up? Or decided that Monday would be the start of a strict new routine after a weekend of eating whatever you wanted?
This pattern is familiar to a lot of women:
Restriction: You decide certain foods are off-limits or that you need to be especially disciplined.
Indulgence: You eventually eat something you've been trying to avoid, sometimes more than you intended.
Guilt: You feel like you've failed or lost control.
Compensation: You promise to eat less, exercise more, or start over tomorrow.
And then the cycle repeats.
The problem is that rigid food rules can make eating feel increasingly stressful. When foods are treated as forbidden, they can take up even more mental space. Rather than enjoying food according to your appetite and preferences, you're constantly negotiating with yourself about what you're allowed to have.
This doesn't mean every person who follows a structured eating plan will develop an unhealthy relationship with food. Structure and nutrition goals can be perfectly reasonable. But when those rules become rigid, punitive, or tied to your self-worth, it's worth taking a step back.
A healthier approach makes room for both nourishment and pleasure. You can enjoy a balanced meal on Tuesday and a slice of birthday cake on Wednesday. Neither cancels out the other.
Your body is not a before picture.
Let's talk about the other elephant in the room: body image.
Women have spent decades being sold the idea that their bodies are ongoing renovation projects. There's always something to shrink, smooth, tone, tighten, or fix. And just when we think we've figured out the rules, the ideal changes.
The pressure is especially noticeable around the holidays. Suddenly, we're seeing reminders to get holiday-ready, avoid holiday weight gain, burn off Thanksgiving dinner, and start January with a new body.
It's exhausting.
And it's worth questioning why so much of our definition of health has become tied to how a body looks rather than how it functions, feels, and supports us through everyday life.
A 2024 systematic review examining weight stigma found that experiencing, anticipating, or internalizing weight-based judgment is associated with disordered eating thoughts and behaviors, including body dissatisfaction and unhealthy weight-control practices.
But here’s the thing- shame isn't a wellness strategy.
You don't have to love every single thing about your appearance every day. You don't have to wake up feeling confident in every outfit or pretend that societal beauty standards don't affect you.
But you can work toward something more sustainable than constantly trying to change yourself.
You can appreciate what your body allows you to do. You can stop treating a particular clothing size as a prerequisite for enjoying your life. You can choose to care for your body without making its appearance the entire point.
Your body deserves care now. Not five pounds from now.
Movement should be something you do for your body, not to make up for it.
This is something we think about a lot at Village West.
Exercise has so many incredible benefits. Strength, mobility, balance, cardiovascular health, bone health, better sleep, improved mood, and the confidence that comes from discovering what your body can do.
But somewhere along the way, movement became another form of punishment for a lot of women.
We exercise to burn calories. We walk to earn dinner. We sign up for a class because we feel guilty about what we ate over the weekend.
And while there's nothing wrong with enjoying a challenging workout or having fitness goals, the motivation behind movement matters.
Are you moving because it makes you feel stronger, more capable, and more connected to your body? Or are you moving because you feel like you owe your body an apology?
Those are two very different relationships with exercise.
At Village West, we believe Pilates is about building strength, improving how you move, developing body awareness, and feeling good in the body you have today.
You don't need to arrive at the studio having eaten perfectly, exercised consistently, or checked off every wellness box. You don't have to earn your place in the room.
Movement is a form of care. It doesn't need to be a consequence.
So, what does a healthy relationship with food actually look like?
It doesn't mean eating whatever you want, whenever you want, without ever thinking about nutrition. It doesn't mean ignoring hunger, fullness, or your body's nutritional needs.
And it certainly doesn't mean getting everything right.
A healthy relationship with food is flexible. It allows you to make choices that support your health while also enjoying the social, cultural, and emotional parts of eating.
It might look like:
Eating a satisfying breakfast instead of saving all your calories for a big dinner.
Enjoying your grandmother's recipe without mentally calculating how long you'll need to exercise afterward.
Having dessert because it tastes good, not because you've decided today is your last chance before starting another diet.
Eating more when you're hungry and stopping when you're comfortably full, without turning either choice into a judgment.
Choosing nourishing foods because they make you feel good, not because you've labeled other foods forbidden.
Letting one meal be one meal. Not a reflection of your discipline, your health, or your worth.
These ideas are closely related to intuitive and mindful eating. Research published in 2024, reviewing 86 studies and nearly 95,000 adults, found that intuitive and mindful eating were associated with better diet quality, greater physical activity, more positive body image, and fewer disordered eating symptoms.
The takeaway isn't that there's one perfect way to eat. It's that paying attention to your body's needs, allowing flexibility, and removing unnecessary shame can be part of a much healthier approach.
A little holiday reminder, from us to you.
As November turns into December, there will be plenty of opportunities to enjoy good food, celebrate with people you love, and maybe eat a little more than you usually do.
There will also be plenty of opportunities to hear conversations about diets, weight gain, resolutions, and getting back on track.
You don't have to participate in all of them.
You can enjoy Thanksgiving without making January a punishment. You can have the Christmas cookies. You can miss a workout because you were busy spending time with people you love. You can get back to your regular routines without treating the holidays like a setback.
And if you find yourself feeling guilty after a meal, try asking yourself a different question:
What would taking care of myself look like right now if I weren't trying to make up for anything?
Maybe the answer is a walk because the fresh air sounds lovely. Maybe it's a Pilates class because you want to move your body. Maybe it's leftovers on the couch and a movie.
All of those things can coexist with a healthy life.
Because the goal isn't to spend your entire life trying to achieve a body that meets someone else's standards. The goal is to build a life that feels good to live in.
Eat the pie. Enjoy the people around your table. Move your body because you love what it can do. And please, for the love of all things pumpkin spice, stop making yourself pay for enjoying your life.
With love,
Village West Pilates
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